TOO DANG HOT FOR THIS ROUTE PRP — A Texas Letter Carrier’s Summer Anthem Verse 1 Clock in in the morning, scanner lights up blue, Corporate’s got some wisdom they would like to share with you. “Start work well hydrated.” Oh, thank goodness they explained— I was gonna cross East Texas With no water in my veins. Then another little message Before we hit the street: “Hydrate before, during, after Working in the heat.” Carriers start laughing, ’Cause we already know the drill— Got four frozen water bottles And they’ll all be warm by noon still. Pre-Chorus Then somebody hollers, “PRP!” “Can’t stress it enough!” PRP? What does that even mean? Well, apparently it’s important stuff… Chorus P-R-P! Pre-hydrate! Drink before you hit the gate. P-R-P! Rehydrate! Texas heat don’t hesitate. P-R-P! Post-hydrate! Clock out, then recover late. Corporate says, “We can’t stress it enough,” While I’m roasting in this truck. Too dang hot! Rolling down that blacktop throwing letters in a box. Scanner says, “Remember PRP!” Well, thanks a lot— Now could somebody please explain Why this truck is still so hot? Verse 2 Steering wheel is sizzling, seatbelt brands my side, Hot wind through the window feels like Satan’s hair dryer ride. Trying to smile politely With that heat up in my face, While somebody on their porch says, “Sure is warm today.” Warm?! Sir, this is not warm. Warm is biscuits on the stove. This is walking through a convection oven With three packages and a certified to go. Your sprinkler’s running? Bless you, friend. Don’t turn it off for me— I might just stand here Until approximately three. Chorus P-R-P! Pre-hydrate! Drink before you hit the gate. P-R-P! Rehydrate! Texas heat don’t hesitate. P-R-P! Post-hydrate! Clock out, then recover late. Corporate says, “We can’t stress it enough,” While I’m roasting in this truck. Too dang hot! Rolling down that blacktop throwing letters in a box. Scanner says, “Remember PRP!” Well, thanks a lot— I drank enough to float a boat And it’s still too dang hot! Bridge — Theories of a Letter Carrier I’ve developed several theories during my years in the Texas heat. Theory one: Black asphalt has its own atmosphere. Theory two: Every heavy package is ordered in July. Dog food? Forty pounds. Cat litter? Forty-two. “Team lift?” That’s me and Jesus. Theory three: The scanner senses frustration and freezes accordingly. Theory four: “Stay hydrated” messages lower the temperature exactly zero degrees. Theory 5. "It's ten degrees cooler in the shade. " And finally…: Nobody knows what PRP means until a veteran carrier yells— “PRE-HYDRATE! REHYDRATE! POST-HYDRATE! I CAN’T STRESS IT ENOUGH!” Breakdown / Call and Response [Caller] What do we do before the route? [Carriers] PRE-HYDRATE! [Caller] While we’re out there? [Carriers] REHYDRATE! [Caller] When we get back? [Carriers] POST-HYDRATE! [Caller] And corporate? [Everybody] WE CAN’T STRESS IT ENOUGH! Final Chorus P-R-P! Pre-hydrate! Frozen bottles by the crate. P-R-P! Rehydrate! Every mailbox, every gate. P-R-P! Post-hydrate! Raise that water when we’re off the clock. We can pre, re, post all day, But Texas heat don’t stop. Too dang hot! Rolling down that blacktop throwing letters in a box. Trying to smile while hot wind Is blowing in my face— Tomorrow morning that scanner’s gonna say: “START WORK WELL HYDRATED.” Oh. Thank God. I almost forgot. P-R-P, PEOPLE! CAN’T STRESS IT ENOUGH! Outro chant Pre-hydrate! Rehydrate! Post-hydrate! P-R-P! …and somebody please PUT SOME AIR CONDITIONING IN THIS TRUCK!
