MIA on Johnny’s Birthday [Verse 1] Johnny, I swear we had every intention Of showing up tonight with love and good intentions But somewhere between Hawaii and home Everything completely went to hell We barely escaped before the hurricane Changed every flight and rearranged the planes Delayed and diverted, barely getting back In the early morning hours of Saturday Ten days away, now our clocks are destroyed The kids came home as sleep-deprived monsters We’re walking around like Hawaiian-time zombies And somehow tomorrow Brixton starts kindergarten [Pre-Chorus] So I dragged myself out For pencils, shoes and last-minute supplies While Alise is sick And my sinuses have declared war on my life And I know it sounds Like the world’s longest list of excuses But I promise you, Johnny We really fucking wanted to be there [Chorus] So we were M.I.A. on Johnny’s birthday And I hate that we missed it tonight We love you, man, and we’re sorry We should’ve been there by your side But the Bowman house is contaminated The children have completely lost their minds And nobody wants a birthday memory Called “The Night We Gave Everybody Sinusitis” So raise one up without us We’ll make it right another night Yeah, we were M.I.A. on Johnny’s birthday But brother, you were on our minds [Verse 2] And technically speaking, I deserve some credit Because something incredible happened this year I actually picked up my phone And called you ON YOUR ACTUAL BIRTHDAY No three-day delay No “shit, was that yesterday?” No apology text at 11:58 I fucking nailed it for once But apparently one phone call Doesn’t replace actually showing up So I’m not asking for a medal Maybe just partial birthday credit [Pre-Chorus] Because right now Alise is coughing I’m breathing through approximately one nostril And bringing this plague to your party Felt slightly irresponsible We could’ve walked through that door With smiles and hugs for everyone Then forty-eight hours later Your whole guest list would be on antibiotics [Chorus] So we were M.I.A. on Johnny’s birthday And I hate that we missed it tonight We love you, man, and we’re sorry We should’ve been there by your side But we barely escaped a hurricane Then flew through the night just to survive Now our kids think 3 A.M. is breakfast And apparently bedtime is whenever they decide So raise one up without us We’ll make it right another night Yeah, we were M.I.A. on Johnny’s birthday But brother, you were on our minds [Bridge — dramatic emo breakdown] And I know… There’ll never be another Exactly-this-age birthday night And I know… A hurricane, sick kids and sinus infections Don’t exactly make it right But sometimes friendship means showing up And sometimes friendship means knowing when NOT to show up Because nothing says “Happy Birthday, Johnny” Like infecting forty people you love [Breakdown] SO THIS DINNER’S ON US! Pick the place Pick the night Order something stupid Get the expensive appetizer Drinks? ON US. Dinner? ON US. Dessert nobody needs? FUCK IT — ON US. Consider it the official “Sorry We Abandoned Johnny On His Birthday Because Hawaii Tried To Kill Us” Redemption Tour [Final Chorus] Yeah, we were M.I.A. on Johnny’s birthday And brother, we’re sorry as hell Ten days gone and a hurricane later We came home completely unwell Kindergarten starts in the morning The kids have gone clinically insane Alise is sick, my head is exploding And none of us know what fucking day it is anyway But we love you more than this song can say And we hated missing tonight We’re not making excuses Just explaining the spectacular collapse of our lives So happy birthday, Johnny We’ll see you very soon, my friend We missed the party… But we’ll make damn sure We make it up to you in the end [Outro] M.I.A… On Johnny’s birthday We escaped Hawaii… But barely escaped our kids Happy birthday, brother. And for the record… I DID CALL YOU ON YOUR ACTUAL BIRTHDAY. That has to count for something.
