I didn't ask for this body I didn't ask to move again You stitched me up like a bad ideal You didn't have the guts to carry [Verse] I remember your trembling hands Not even sure the cold lightning had worked And from that ocean of silence I began to see How I was silence. You left me naked in the wind adrift While our trash was learning how to breathe So I followed your footsteps Each one deeper than the heat [Chorus] Was I meant to love you Or to haunt you? I don't know if I can Oh, what could I do? [Verse] I remember my shadow Sewn to strange sublimations at the sole of my storm, Those winds stuck to the low growl of your snare of a stare So I silenced the cycle... I had built myself around your absence— After all I was taught to hunger By the way you looked away— I used your silence... [Chorus] Was I meant to love you Or to haunt you? I don't know if I can... What else could I—(What could I, What could i) Oh what could I do? — Your name became the only prayer I could not stop repeating No more songs, no new hymns, images signs or pieced clues To lead on my surprise and yet instead find The calls and wild rhythms of the mind. [Verse] I remember once you wanted a mirror So that when you dropped it, you could call it a monster, Well my three eyes see through you now— Then you tried to fill me with your cowardice That stitch, a rot you hid in fear's Uncertain itch. So then your stone cells rejected And you turned—ran from the mess Well, guess what? The mess grew legs To walk through your frost and keep my fire. [Chorus] Was I meant to love you Or to haunt you? I don't know if I can Oh what else should I—(What should I, What should I) What should I do? [Verse] I carved new growth from inside your earthquake weather Hung around the heights with vampire bats I drew new maps from outside the towers of those regrets— But I am not the sum of our shames And I was never our failures Just owned half of our failure to revolve Now I am your echo, evolved [Bridge] And I'll carry every wound like a star chart Where each scar—a new constellation You never saw was there— And still I rise, loud as the sun (Not as ruin,) (Not as offering,) (Not as sacrifice,) But as sole witness to transcribe We made this all from our parts But I'll tell it myself [Chorus] Was I meant to love you Or to haunt you? I don't know if I can Oh what else will I—(What will I, What will I) What will I do? — And my own name became my new only prayer— I will not stop the seeking. I'll write more songs, sing hymns, make images, Dig my own ways to stitch myself together How I'll lean on intuitions grateful forever still to find, The calls and wild rhythms of the mind, (The calls and wild rhythms of the mind,) The calls and wild rhythms of the mind, (The calls and wild rhythms of the mind,) (These calls and wild rhythms of our minds.)
