The Saw Is Family

[Intro — Instrumental Only, four hollow iron cowbell strikes, scraping steel, distorted eight-string riff, pounding drums] [Verse 1 — Freakish high-pitched male spoken character, clear words, delighted and unstable] Ohhh, look what came down the road! Five little visitors, sweating in the heat. A hitchhiker smiling with a knife in his hand. Hee-hee! Ain’t Texas sweet? He cut himself laughing! They threw him outside! Now the gas pumps are empty… And there’s nowhere to hide! [Pre-Chorus — Close-mic nasal whisper, pitch cracking] Did you hear that? That little bang? That wasn’t a door… That was a HAMMER! [Chorus — Shrill theatrical spoken shouts, freakish laughter, no conventional metal singing] THE SAW IS FAMILY! HEE-HEE! FAMILY! FIVE CAME DOWN THAT TEXAS ROAD! ONE GOT OUT! FOUR STAYED HOME! THE HOUSE IS HUNGRY! THE WALLS ARE THIN! COME ON INSIDE! LET THE FAMILY IN! [Instrumental Break — Grinding guitar chugs, repeated iron cowbell strikes, slamming steel, shrieking feedback bends] [Verse 2 — Manic high nasal storyteller, rapid whispers and sudden squeals] Kirk found the house. Kirk found the door. Kirk met the hammer… And Kirk ain’t walking anymore! Pam came looking! Ohhh, what a shame! A pretty little visitor… In a very ugly game! Jerry opened the freezer. Franklin couldn’t run. Sally heard the motor… And the family had its fun! [Pre-Chorus — Sweetly whispered, unnaturally cheerful] Run, Sally, run… The sun’s almost here. Don’t look behind you… He’s getting so near! [Chorus — Piercing deranged character voice, crisp diction] THE SAW IS FAMILY! HEE-HEE! FAMILY! FIVE CAME DOWN THAT TEXAS ROAD! ONE GOT OUT! FOUR STAYED HOME! THE HOUSE IS HUNGRY! THE WALLS ARE THIN! COME ON INSIDE! LET THE FAMILY IN! [Bridge — Crooked dinner waltz, hollow cowbells, rattling cutlery, dissonant guitar] [Spoken — Mock-polite shrill dinner host] Oh, sweetheart… Why all the screaming? We set you a place! Grandpa’s at the table! Everybody SMILE! You’re part of the family now… Stay a little while! [Call and Response — Multiple warped copies of the same freakish male voice] WHO’S FOR DINNER? (SHE IS! SHE IS!) WHO’S GOING HOME? (NOBODY! NOBODY!) WHO’S GOT THE HAMMER? (HE DOES! HE DOES!) WHO’S FAMILY? (WE ARE! WE ARE!) [Industrial Breakdown — Instrumental Only, violent cowbell rhythm, crushing guitars, distorted sub-bass, feedback sirens, abrupt rhythmic stops] [Verse 3 — Breathless hysterical storytelling, cracked falsetto] Through the window! Across the road! Bare feet bleeding… GO! GO! GO! Here comes the truck! Here comes the sun! The whole damn family… Can’t catch just ONE! She’s in the pickup! She’s laughing and crying! And back in the road… The motor is SCREAMING! [Final Chorus — Maximum deranged shrill character voice, layered laughter] THE SAW IS FAMILY! HEE-HEE! FAMILY! FIVE CAME DOWN THAT TEXAS ROAD! ONE GOT OUT! FOUR STAYED HOME! THE HOUSE IS HUNGRY! THE TABLE’S SET! THE SUN CAME UP… BUT YOU AIN’T SAFE YET! [Extended Instrumental — The Chainsaw Dance, aggressive buzzing guitar bends, screaming feedback sirens, metallic cowbell barrage, double-kick drums, crushing industrial bass drop] [Outro — Extremely close high-pitched whisper, mock tenderness] Awww… Don’t be scared. You’re family now. [One brief cracked, hysterical giggle] [Final Instrumental — Piercing guitar feedback, enormous metallic impact, abrupt silence] [End]