It’s hard to make sense of the mess in my head Memories half alive, half dead Sometimes the past slips out of its place Pulls up a chair, looks me in the face Starts telling stories I didn’t invite Strikes a match in the back of my mind It doesn’t rush in, it doesnt rest A spark at first, then heat in my chest I feel it rising before I can speak Like fire remembering how to reach its peak I tell myself I’m fine, I always do But my body knows before I do Things I buried, things I outran Climb from the dark like they’ve got hands I say I cope, I say I’m strong But this is the ground I built foundations from Pain takes shape, tightens my throat Turns into anger, turns into smoke I don’t fight it, I don’t deny it I stay right here while it burns quiet Not everything that lives in me hurts Some memories know how to work A voice, a smell, a familiar light Something steady to hold tonight They don’t erase what came before They just remind me I’m more Than the moment my system believes When it’s trapped in emergencies I don’t have to run I don’t have to drown I can sit with the heat And set it down Breathe in slow Feel the floor This is now Not before Things from the past still knock on my door but i wont let them run my life any more I don’t push them, I don’t let them stay I let them pass through me and fade away The fire can rise, the fire can fall It doesn’t get to decide it all I listen to the pain, I hear what it needs Then I put it down and breathe The room gets quiet Not empty, just still I’m here i always will be I Always was
