[Verse 1 - Male Spoken-Sung] Friday night, half past eleven Eight pints down and feeling clever Me, my mates and two girls with us Waiting on chips without much fuss Some pissed-up bloke begins to gloat Swaying like he’s on a boat Whispers something to his mate Then points across the room and seals my fate Then comes the shout “You. Outside.” [Chorus - Male Spoken-Sung] At the kebab shop He’s looking for a fight At the kebab shop He can barely stand upright At the kebab shop No common sense required Just a drunken mouth and confidence Fuelled entirely by lager [Verse 2 - Male Spoken-Sung] Now his mate is saying, “Mate, just leave it” He says, “I am absolutely calm” Takes three steps towards the drinks fridge Walks into it, sets off the alarm All the girls begin their laughing That has clearly changed his mood Pulls his sleeves up past his elbows Nearly falls into his food “What you looking at?” “Mostly your shoe” [Chorus - Male Spoken-Sung] At the kebab shop He’s looking for a fight At the kebab shop He can barely stand upright At the kebab shop No common sense required Just a drunken mouth and confidence Fuelled entirely by lager [Bridge - Male Spoken] The bloke behind the counter says: “You do this every Friday” He says: “I’ve never been here in my life” The bloke says: “You still owe me twelve quid” Silence. [Verse 3 - Male Spoken-Sung] Now he’s pointing at the six of us Says he’ll fight us all outside His mate says, “Mate, there’s six of them” He says, “Good” and beams with pride Turns around to make his exit Takes two steps across the floor One girl snorts and starts us laughing When he walks into the door Nobody moved Nobody fought [Final Chorus - Male Spoken-Sung] At the kebab shop He’s looking for a fight At the kebab shop He can barely stand upright At the kebab shop No common sense required Just a drunken mouth and confidence Fuelled entirely by lager [Bridge - Male Spoken] His mate picks up his coat Picks up his shoe He points at me: “This ain’t over” Turns around Walks into the bin [Pause] It’s over. [Final Chorus 2 - Male Spoken-Sung] At the kebab shop He’s looking for a fight At the kebab shop He can barely stand upright At the kebab shop No common sense required Just a drunken mouth and confidence Fuelled entirely by lager
