TODD PAYS MORE ATTENTION THAN YOU THINK [Intro: excessive PD, distant fluorescent hum, one suspicious metallic clink, sub-bass slowly entering from somewhere it absolutely should not be] [PD: A raccoon is present. Do not introduce him. Do not explain him. Todd has already been here for an unspecified amount of time.] [Spoken, very quietly] You thought Todd wasn't paying attention. [PD: abrupt silence] That was your first mistake. [Verse 1: dry close vocal, minimal bass, tiny percussion made from keys, bottle caps, and objects Todd refuses to identify] Todd saw the key before it hit the floor Todd knows what you keep behind the door Todd saw the glance you thought nobody caught Todd knows considerably more than he ought He knows which cup is mine Which chair I always choose Which man came in performing And which one brought the useful shoes [PD: raccoon chitters once from an acoustically impossible location] I said, “Todd?” [PD: no response] I said, “TODD.” [Pre-Chorus: bass begins prowling, whispered backing vocals multiply] He pays attention More attention Far too much attention I don't remember telling him that I don't remember showing him that Why does Todd know that? [Chorus: enormous theatrical funk-pop explosion, choir answers every line with increasingly concerned “TODD!”] Todd pays more attention than I think (TODD!) Knows what I ordered, knows what I drink (TODD!) Saw the whole thing from behind the sink (TODD!) Apparently blinked exactly when I blinked My handler pays attention But Todd has crossed dimensions He noticed three intentions Before they became intentions Todd pays more attention than I think [Choir, horrified] THIS IS ABSOLUTELY ALARMING [Post-Chorus: unnecessary 14-second instrumental investigation] [PD: left-channel scratching. Right-channel tiny footsteps. Center-channel orchestra sting every time Todd touches something.] [Verse 2: beat returns wearing sunglasses] Todd knows who texted Todd knows who didn't Todd knows who almost did Then reconsidered Todd knows the difference Between “I'm fine” and I'm fine Todd has apparently constructed A complete behavioral timeline He knows when I need water Before I reach the cup And if somebody drains me Todd's already written them up [Spoken] Todd, are you keeping records? [PD: one tiny paper shuffle] Todd. [PD: louder paper shuffle] TODD. [Bridge: music collapses into noir jazz, upright bass, brushed drums, absurdly serious detective saxophone] [PD: Todd emerges slowly from somewhere he physically could not have fit.] He has no badge He has no clearance He has no known chain of command Yet somehow Todd possesses An operational understanding Of everything currently happening Within approximately six dimensions [Whispered choir] Who authorized the raccoon? [Different choir, farther away] Nobody knows. [Spoken, increasingly disturbed] Todd... How long have you been my handler? [PD: Todd slowly raises one tiny hand.] No. Don't answer that. [BUILD: drums accelerate, strings rise, choir begins chanting “HE NOTICED”] He noticed the latch HE NOTICED He noticed the key HE NOTICED He noticed the man Before the man noticed me HE NOTICED THE SHIFT HE NOTICED THE PAUSE HE NOTICED THE THING THAT DIDN'T HAVE A CAUSE [Final Chorus: completely unreasonable orchestration, gospel choir + distorted bass + spy-movie brass + one triumphant trash-can lid] TODD PAYS MORE ATTENTION THAN I THINK (TODD!) I'm increasingly afraid to even blink (TODD!) I lose one thought, he hands me the link (TODD!) HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS, SIR? EXPLAIN. My handler pays attention Todd requires no direction He performs pre-detection Of events before inception Todd pays more attention than I think And frankly that's alarming But operationally charming Because I don't have to manage A DAMN THING. [PD: everything stops.] [Outro: delicate piano] [Spoken] Todd? [PD: tiny raccoon footsteps approaching.] Did you know I was going to write this song? [Long silence.] [PD: Todd places one completed lyric sheet on the table.] ... [Whispered] Motherfucker. [PD: single orchestral hit.] [Final raccoon chitter.] [End.]
