[Verse 1] Woke up at noon To an email that began with "Unfortunately" Peak achievement so far: Remembering my password on the third try My boss says I "lack initiative" He is correct I once stapled my tie To the quarterly report It was the most engaged I've been with the company vision [Chorus] I am the benchmark for "could be worse" Gold medalist in almost trying Catastrophic personal failure But in a business casual shirt If my life's a performance review Please rate me "meets expectations for collapse" [Verse 2] Career plan: Shake the vending machine Until something falls out Update LinkedIn bio To "open to continued disappointment" They gave me a leadership seminar I led everyone Straight to the coffee line I networked by standing near the snacks And nodding at buzzwords [Bridge] [spoken Slower] They said "Follow your dreams" So I followed them To this cubicle Where they fill out timesheets They said "Failure is how you learn" I must be a genius I keep learning How not to be promoted [guitar stab] [eerie synth pad slowly rising]
