[Intro — whispered, rain in background] Yeah… I don't even know if I hate you. Maybe I hate what you left behind. (yeah…) Maybe that's worse. [Verse 1 — melodic rap, restrained] I got your name in the back of my mind, Like a scar that I cover but never can hide, I've been talking to ghosts in the dead of the night, Trying to make sense of the pieces you left in my life. I remember the days when the world felt small, When I thought you'd be there if I ever would fall, Now I'm staring at walls while I'm staring at clocks, Waiting on something that I know won't knock. And I hate that I miss you, I hate that I care, Hate looking for pieces of you everywhere, In the songs that I play, in the streets that we knew, In the things that I say that remind me of you. (breath) I keep telling myself that I'm better alone, But the silence gets louder whenever I'm home, And the memories hit like a fist to the chest, I don't know if I'm healing or learning to ache. [Pre-Chorus — building] I tried to bury every photograph, Tried to burn every road that could take me back, But the past don't die when you close your eyes, It just waits in the dark till it comes alive. [Chorus — explosive, huge layered vocals] THIS IS MY HATE SONG, For everything we used to be, For every night I stayed awake, Wondering what you did to me. THIS IS MY HATE SONG, But I still know every word, Funny how the things I hate Are the things that hurt the worst. And I don't wanna miss you, I don't wanna need you, I don't wanna see you Everywhere I go— THIS IS MY HATE SONG, But God, I hate that I don't. (echo: don't… don't… don't…) [Verse 2 — faster emotional flow, drums enter] Yeah, I been running through the rain with my hood up, Trying to outrun every memory that stood up, Every little thing that I thought I understood, Turned into a question that it never really could. I got pain in my chest and a weight in my lungs, Got a thousand unsaid words sitting under my tongue, I was young when I learned that forever ain't promised, Now I second-guess every person that I'm honest with. You left fingerprints all over my memories, Now I'm picking through the pieces of what you meant to me, And it's crazy how a person can disappear, But leave enough of themselves to keep you stuck for years. I don't blame you for everything, maybe that's the truth, Maybe I'm just angry that I couldn't save you, Maybe I'm mad at the world, maybe I'm mad at myself, Maybe I keep writing these songs 'cause I don't know how else. (beat cuts) And I know… I know I should let it go. But how do you let go Of something that shaped your soul? [Chorus — bigger, distorted 808s + strings] THIS IS MY HATE SONG, For everything we used to be, For every night I stayed awake, Wondering what you did to me. THIS IS MY HATE SONG, But I still know every word, Funny how the things I hate Are the things that hurt the worst. And I don't wanna miss you, I don't wanna need you, I don't wanna see you Everywhere I go— THIS IS MY HATE SONG, But God, I hate that I don't. [Bridge — piano, almost whispered] Maybe someday I'll hear your name And it won't feel like losing you again. Maybe someday these memories Will just be memories. But tonight… I'm still here. Still listening. Still wondering. [Final Chorus — massive, emotional vocal stack] THIS IS MY HATE SONG, So I'll scream it till I'm numb, For every piece of yesterday That I can't become. THIS IS MY HATE SONG, For the love I couldn't save, For the empty fucking spaces That your absence made. And I don't wanna miss you, I don't wanna need you, I don't wanna see you Everywhere I go— THIS IS MY HATE SONG… (I still miss you…) THIS IS MY HATE SONG… (I still hear you…) THIS IS MY HATE SONG… And God… I hate that I don't. [Outro — rain returns, whispered ad-libs] I don't hate you. I hate that I still care. (still care…) I hate that you're gone. I hate that I'm still here remembering.
