[intro theme] hi and welcome to THE JIMMY JOHN JONES SHOW [applase] ...stop, ok lets get to our contestant gordan ramsey!- [gordan] how the hell did i get here [gameshow host] NONYA, ANYWAYS CAN HE KILL A BUG [gordan ramsey] oh easy [boss music] WHAT THE (smack) [crash] [gameshow host] ohh our friend gordan is out up next! [announcer] ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our next contestant: a very confused pirate named captain brad [captain brad] why am i on land, mate? [gameshow host] because the budget said no boats. first challenge: can you cook a steak while riding a unicycle? [captain brad] i don't even know what a unicycle is [gameshow host] perfect, you're already qualified (squeaky wheel sound) [captain brad] AAAAA— (fall then tiny explosion) [gameshow host] and he's gone! incredible athletic failure! [cohost tina] that might be a record [gameshow host] tina, read the next card [cohost tina] uh... "bring in the mystery guest" [dramatic sting] [mystery guest] ...i have arrived [gameshow host] who are you supposed to be? [mystery guest] nobody knows. that is my brand [gameshow host] great, mystery guest, can you identify this object? [mystery guest] yes. it is a spoon [gameshow host] wrong, that was my microphone [mystery guest] then your microphone tastes like soup [cohost tina] wait, why does he have a point? [gameshow host] next challenge! can you survive one minute in the office with kevin, the world's angriest intern? [kevin] i hate this show already [gameshow host] excellent, kevin is here! [kevin] i was already here [gameshow host] not anymore, you're a contestant [kevin] that is not how employment works [gameshow host] it is on this show [alarm blares] [gameshow host] the bug has been released [cohost tina] the what now? [gameshow host] the bug. the tiny but emotionally devastating bug [kevin] why is everyone screaming at a bug? [gameshow host] because it owes me money [bug] i do not owe you money [gameshow host] the bug talks! [bug] i have always talked. no one listens because i'm six millimeters tall [gordan ramsey] i'm back. i came to apologize to the bug [gameshow host] you got hit by a pan ten seconds ago [gordan ramsey] yeah, but i reflected on it [bug] i forgive you [gordan ramsey] thanks, tiny citizen [cohost tina] this show has lost all structure [gameshow host] we never had structure! we have vibes! [announcer] coming up next: the spelling bee, but every correct answer summons a goose [kevin] absolutely not [gameshow host] yes absolutely yes [goose] honk [cohost tina] i hate that i know what that means now [gameshow host] spell "volley" [kevin] v-o-l-l-e-y [gameshow host] correct! [goose] HONK [kevin] why is the goose angry? [gameshow host] because you did it too fast. the goose likes suspense [goose] honk... honk... [gameshow host] tina, distract the goose [cohost tina] with what? [gameshow host] your personality [cohost tina] rude [goose] honk? [cohost tina] okay wow, it worked [lights flicker] [air raid siren] [gameshow host] uh oh, that's not on the cue cards [karen overlord] WHO LEFT THIS STAGE IN DISORDER?! [all] WHAT?! [karen overlord] i am the karen overlord, and i demand to speak to the manager of this entire reality! [gameshow host] oh no, it's the bossfight [karen overlord] there will be no more honking, no more bugs, and absolutely no chaos! [goose] honk! [karen overlord] YOU. ARE. NOT. ON. THE. LIST. [cohost tina] why does she have health bars? [karen overlord] because i asked for extra dramatic lighting! (boss music intensifies) [gameshow host] contestants, attack! [gordan ramsey] finally, a challenge i understand [smack smack] [kevin] i've been training my rage for this exact moment [paper shredder noises] [captain brad] i'M BACK—wait, where's my ship? [mystery guest] it was never your ship [bug] i shall assist [goose] HONK [karen overlord] NOOO, MY CUSTOMER SERVICE SHIELD! [gameshow host] she's weakening! [karen overlord] I WILL SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR! [security guard] that's me, technically [karen overlord] THEN YOU'RE FIRED! [security guard] i was already off the clock [gameshow host] finish her, contestants! [all] YEAAAH! (huge crash then sparkling explosion) [karen overlord] this is not over... i will leave a review... [gameshow host] and she’s gone! incredible meltdown! [mystery guest] i shall now reveal my identity [gameshow host] nobody asked [mystery guest] i am... your landlord [all] WHAT?! [landlord] rent is due [gameshow host] we do not pay rent in this studio, we pay in exposure [landlord] that is not a currency [gameshow host] it is if you say it with confidence [cohost tina] i'm calling security [security guard] i'm already here [gameshow host] how long have you been standing there? [security guard] since the intro theme [gameshow host] then why didn't you do anything? [security guard] i thought this was a podcast, i wanted to hear the full episode [cohost tina] honestly fair [gameshow host] okay, final round! whoever can say some- [show end]
0/500