[INTRO] [PIANO MELODY] [PRE-CHORUS] Excuse me, mate. Sorry. I just noticed you’ve put the price of a pint up again. I reckon I can stretch seventeen quid to Thursday. Friday… if I don’t eat. And before you start, I’m not unemployed. I’m between opportunities. Have been since 2006. But that’s not relevant. I’m not sponging off society, society keeps offering it to me. One more pint. One more smoke. One more bet at three. I’m not working the system, the system’s working me. I’m Benefit Freddie… and everything’s nearly free. Monday. Jobcentre. “Freddie, applied for anything?” “Loads.” “What?” “Job things.” “Be more specific.” “Not without breaching GDPR.” That shut her up. Tuesday. Twenty-eight quid left. Ten on Fiscal Responsibility. Fell at the first. Bought twenty ciggies. Rang my mum. “Mum… I’m struggling with the cost of living.” I’m not sponging off society, society keeps offering it to me. One more pint. One more smoke. One more bet at three. I’m not working the system, the system’s working me. I’m Benefit Freddie… and everything’s nearly free. Wednesday. Food bank. “What about the full freezer?” “Emergency food.” Exactly. For emergencies. “Need toiletries?” “Any Rizlas?” Bit judgmental. Still took the biscuits. Thursday. Landlord rings. “You owe six hundred quid.” “Technically… the government owes you. I’m just the middleman.” Brown envelope. Serious font. I don’t open those. “That’s not how debt works.” “It’s how anxiety works.” [PIANO INTRUMENTAL] I’m not sponging off society, society keeps offering it to me. One more pint. One more smoke. One more bet at three. I’m not working the system, the system’s working me. I’m Benefit Freddie… and everything’s nearly free. Friday. Payday. Government funding. Pub by twelve-oh-three. Dave says, “Shouldn’t that last till next week?” “Dave… you’ve got a job and still look miserable.” Pint. Ciggies. Bookies. Kebab. Taxi. “How much left?” Four pound eighty. “It’s Friday.” I know. Saturday. No money. No milk. Three cigarettes. Liverpool at three. Do I buy dinner… or put four quid on Liverpool? “Get a job, Freddie.” Don’t be ridiculous! I’ve got enough on! I’m not sponging off society, society keeps offering it to me. One more pint! One more smoke! One more bet at three! I’m not working the system, the system’s working me. I’m Benefit Freddie… and everything’s nearly free!
