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Somebody Is Me

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[Intro – close vocal, lonely piano] Yeah... I spent half my fucking life trying to be important to somebody. Never stopped to ask why being nobody's felt so much like being nobody. [Verse 1] I knew you couldn't give me what I needed Still waited like eventually you'd see it Turned every little breadcrumb into proof Built a fucking home from half a truth Stayed until your voice became a trigger Stayed because alone somehow felt bigger Than every little cut I took from you Funny what abandonment will make you choose I wasn't staying 'cause it didn't hurt I stayed because the hurt still gave me worth At least when you were angry, I existed Silence was the thing I couldn't sit with [Pre-Chorus] That's the fucked-up bit— I knew you weren't enough. I just hadn't learned that didn't mean I wasn't. [Chorus] I just wanted to be somebody to somebody Wanted one fucking person to choose me So I kept making myself smaller For people with no room for me Called being needed love Called being tolerated home I'd rather bleed beside somebody Than find out who I am alone But if being somebody to somebody Means becoming nobody to me Then maybe what I'm fucking missing Isn't you— It's me. [Verse 2] I miss things that never really happened Future memories my lonely head imagined Conversations that we never fucking had I'm grieving something I was promised by myself And that's allowed. I can miss the dream Without pretending you were good for me Can mourn the warmth without forgetting How fucking cold you made it underneath My phone lights up “Baby, I just need a friend” And every damaged part of me says: Go. Be useful again. Fix another person so you don't have to sit with yourself. [Pre-Chorus] I've always been good at rescuing. Makes me valuable. Makes me necessary. Makes sure nobody notices I'm drowning too. [Chorus] I just wanted to be somebody to somebody Wanted one fucking person to choose me So I kept making myself smaller For people with no room for me Called being needed love Called being tolerated home I'd rather bleed beside somebody Than find out who I am alone But if being somebody to somebody Means becoming nobody to me Then maybe what I'm fucking missing Isn't you— It's me. [Bridge – stripped, almost spoken] There's a difference between missing someone and wanting them back. Took me too fucking long to learn that. I can miss your body and remember why I left. Miss your voice and remember what it said. Miss having someone beside me without rewriting how lonely I felt lying next to you. Two things can be true. I loved you. And staying was destroying me. You hurt me. And some of my wounds were already there before you arrived. That's not me taking the blame for you. That's me finally taking responsibility for me. [Breakdown] Because I kept asking: WHY WASN'T I ENOUGH FOR YOU? Wrong fucking question. Why did I keep handing my worth to people who made me audition for it? Why did rejection feel normal? Why did kindness make me suspicious? Why could I forgive everybody except the bastard in the mirror? [Verse 3] Maybe being alone isn't abandonment Maybe empty rooms aren't evidence Maybe nobody calling me tonight Doesn't mean I've disappeared from life Maybe love isn't proving I can stay While somebody slowly wears my name away Maybe strength isn't taking every hit Maybe sometimes strength is saying: This is it. Not because I hate you. Not because none of it was real. Because I finally understand loving somebody doesn't obligate me to keep letting them hurt me. [Final Chorus] I still wanna be somebody to somebody Fuck, I don't think that feeling ever leaves I want somebody who can hold my scars Without making them the price of loving me I want closeness without begging Want desire without the debt Want someone who doesn't need me broken So they never feel me leave them yet But I won't become nobody Just to make somebody stay I spent too many fucking years Giving all of myself away So until somebody meets me Without asking me to bleed— I'll learn to be somebody Even when that somebody... is me. [Outro – piano, room tone] I thought loneliness meant nobody wanted me. Maybe loneliness was trying to teach me I kept leaving myself behind every time somebody else did. I still want to matter to somebody. I just don't need that somebody to prove that I matter. Not anymore.