[intro]IN THE YEAR 3097... Humanity had conquered space. We had travelled beyond the Moon... Beyond Mars... Beyond the outer reaches of the known galaxy... And, unfortunately... ...someone had left the fridge door open. For three hundred years, mankind had searched the stars for intelligent life. We found it. It was living on a planet called Glorbon 7. They had three heads, twelve elbows... ...and an absolutely terrible parking system. Earth's greatest scientists were assembled. Doctors. Engineers. Astrophysicists. And Mandy. Mandy wasn't a scientist. Mandy worked in the canteen. But she'd been here longer than everyone else, so apparently she was in charge. Together, they crewed the most advanced spaceship ever built... THE U.S.S. DEFINITELY-NOT-GOING-TO-EXPLODE. Its mission: To boldly go where no man had gone before. Although technically... A woman had already been there. She'd been there Tuesday. She said it was rubbish. Still, the crew pressed onward. Through asteroid fields... Past dying stars... Across the mysterious cosmic void... Until suddenly... THEY ENCOUNTERED A GIANT SPACE CHICKEN. Nobody knows where it came from. Nobody knows why it was wearing trousers. And nobody knows why it was demanding £4.50 for a sausage roll. But one thing was certain... The universe would never be the same again. This... is their story. This... is their mission. This... is GALACTIC SPACE THINGY. And they're already late for tea. [Verse] (soaring melodic synth lead enters over smooth bassline) the boffins built a starship the cost was unknown they had built scale models that were proved hard to be flown but now was the time for a full scale test they needed a pilot whos skills were the best [Chorus] (full cosmic space disco rhythm, wide analog soundscape) we need a daring pilot to test if this thing flies the ship is really massive it fills up the skies [Verse] none of the test pilots were there on that fateful day one of the engineers had agreed to work on a bank holiday marc was his name he said he'd have a go he was good at flying space ships cos he played a lot of halo we strapped him into the seat it was a tight fit an aviation leather chair was the best place to sit the controls were laid out on a table in front of the chair they were all well labelled and the lay out was quite clear [Chorus] (full cosmic space disco rhythm, wide analog soundscape) we have a daring pilot to test if this thing flies the ship is getting ready to fly up to the skies [verse] Marc pressed a few buttons the spaceship came to life rockets fully firing the countdown had arrived some warning lights ignited marc hit them with his fist the warnings were extinguished he has a magic wrist the test flight was successful he flew a loop around the earth the landing was superb marc had proved his worth [Chorus] (full cosmic space disco rhythm, wide analog soundscape) we have a happy pilot the flight was bang on spec the ships back in the hanger, awaiting safety checks [verse] going back to his locker so happy he could sing found his missing glasses couldnt see a thing flying spaceships blind only using the force is an unusual way to keep a spaceship on course all those years playing halo really helped a lot now marc is the best spaceship pilot nottingham has got [Outro] (slow filter sweep fading into deep space ambience)
