*[Intro — quiet piano, half-laugh through tears]* Yeah... Nearly benched myself again. Not because anything went wrong. Because something felt good. Classic. *[Verse 1]* Caught myself smiling at a stupid little line Then my head went digging through another fucking time “Was that me talking, or some old survival trick?” Funny how awareness makes you question every fucking bit Used to apologise before anybody complained Leave before they left me, call avoidance being sane Make myself smaller so nobody had to choose Then wonder why the only person i dont want fucking gone was you *[Pre-Chorus]* But tonight I saw it happen Felt the old machine engage And instead of feeding panic... I just let it leave the stage *[Chorus]* I don't have to bench myself Just because I give a damn I don't have to disappear To prove I understand I can like somebody Without handing them the wheel I can want them close And still decide what's mine to fucking feel Old habits can come knocking They don't get to fucking stay I'm not fighting who I was I'm choosing who I am today *[Verse 2]* She said, “Don't apologise, you're fine” And fuck, that hit me strange Usually reassurance starts another little chain Explain it Fix it Check it Make sure nothing slipped away But this time I just read it... And carried on my day No autopsy on the message No funeral for the vibe No emotional hostage note Just letting something nice survive Maybe that's what different feels like Not fireworks, not some cure Just catching my own bullshit And not obeying it anymore *[Chorus]* I don't have to bench myself Just because somebody's cool Don't need to punish feelings Like attachment broke a fucking rule I can flirt and fucking mean it I can care without the debt I can smile when she goes quiet Without inventing what comes next Old habits can come knocking They don't get to choose my way I don't have to lose myself To let somebody fucking stay *[Bridge — stripped, raw]* Maybe the tears aren't sadness. Maybe that's relief. Maybe I'm finally meeting the man who gets to fucking breathe instead of the kid who learned to fucking leave I don't need to know which voice started every thought. I just need to know: **Who decides what happens next?** Me. *[Breakdown]* I CAN FEEL IT WITHOUT BECOMING IT I CAN WANT LOVE WITHOUT BEGGING FOR IT I CAN MISS SOMEBODY WITHOUT CHASING THEM I CAN LIKE SOMEBODY WITHOUT LEAVING MYSELF AGAIN I'M NOT THE PATTERN I'M THE FUCKING PERSON WHO CAN SEE IT NOW *[Final Chorus — huge lift]* So I won't bench myself I'm staying in the game Same heart Same scars But I don't play them quite the same I can care without collapsing I can wait without the fear I can let somebody matter Without disappearing here Maybe healing isn't silence Maybe strength isn't being numb Maybe it's feeling everything... And choosing what I become *[Outro — smiling vocal, piano]* She might've fallen back asleep. And somehow... the world didn't fucking end. Neither did I. Yeah... **That's new.**
