🎵 Happy Birthday, Tony — The Under-Deckin’ King 🎵 Verse 1 Happy birthday, Tony, you magnificent bastard, Sittin’ under that deck like a goddamn master. Under-deckin’ so fine, not a raindrop gets through, Cold beer in your hand and not a damn thing to do. Then that fucking fox comes sneakin’ around, Like he pays the mortgage and owns the whole town. Tony just watches him, bourbon in his cup, “Stay the hell off Amazon!” — but another truck pulls up. Chorus 🎵 Happy birthday, Tony! 🍕 The packages are stacked to the sky! Amazon’s delivering every fifteen fucking minutes, And nobody remembers what the hell you even buy! You’re under the deck, Or fucking off somewhere new, While the rest of us poor bastards Wonder what the hell happened to you! 🎵 Verse 2 Now Tony’s up in Alaska, living his best damn life, Probably kayaking somewhere while ignoring his wife. Eating fresh halibut, looking out at the view, Thinking, “I could buy some property here… maybe a fucking acre or two.” Because Tony’s got a plan when America goes to shit: A cabin in Alaska and he’s calling it quits. He’ll have halibut in the freezer, bourbon stacked to the roof, And that goddamn fox somehow followed him too. Bridge Amazon Prime to Alaska? Tony already fucking checked. New kayak? Delivered. Fishing shit? Delivered. Another gadget nobody needs? DELIVERED! Meanwhile, back home under the deck, There’s 47 boxes nobody’s opened yet. Final Chorus 🎵 So happy fucking birthday, Tony! 🍕🦊 Raise your glass and have another round! From the under-deck palace To some frozen Alaskan town! Keep kayaking, eat your halibut, Buy that property while you can— Because when the continental U.S. goes completely to hell… WE’RE ALL FUCKING MOVING IN WITH TONY! 🎵 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU UNDER-DECKIN’, FOX-WATCHIN’, AMAZON-ORDERIN’, HALIBUT-EATIN’, ALASKA-ESCAPIN’ SON OF A BITCH! 🎵 🍺 CHEERS, TONY! 🍕
