Contagion

What did the Bard know So long ago Of the sound of the crowd’s onolatry The Arsses cry Farting into the air Their devotion to foolishness Dodgy dealers One and all Who feel the cold deep inside Run and hide Then vent it on the world They rage and blow Crack their cheeks With words that are but wind And break it in your face Are they not just wind instruments? Whereby should hang a tail Like a donkeys backside With no vice More honest than any dealers voice Having been acquainted With the smell before He knew it was human Not any other’s source The earth did shake When they first were born From unruly wind within Nature’s womb The heavens were all on fire The earth did tremble. In fear of their nativity With a diseased nature Which oftentimes breaks forth In strange eruptions Oft the teeming earth Has within its gut Has got a kind of colic Pinched and vexed By the imprisoning Of that unruly wind Rotten within her womb Which for enlargement striving Shakes the old beldam earth It topples down Steeples and moss-grown towers At your birth Our mother earth Having this distemperature, In passion shook. And the earth farted When you were born In the very witching time of night When churchyards yawn And hell itself breathes out Your contagion onto this world