**[Intro: Spoken word over a choppy, nervous bassline and a stiff drum beat]** Alright, The treaty is unsigned, The silo is...repurposed, We're open for business, Bring your own warhead. (Verse 1) I got a Minuteman III in a dusty old garage, Next to a washer and a stack of vintage Life magazines, The guidance system's flickering, it's kinda vintage-chic, I'll throw the launch codes in for free, you know what that means. My neighbor's selling garden gnomes and a slightly used trampoline, I'm selling mutually assured destruction, certified pre-owned, Just point it at your problems, watch the whole damn scene turn red, The best second-hand fireball that you've ever known. **[Chorus - Beat becomes a stomping, garage-rock groove]** At the Missile Mart! (Bargain basement prices!) At the Missile Mart! (I'm giving best advices!) One careful old lady owner, barely used at all! Just a little surface rust on the thermonuclear ball! (Verse 2) See that Peacekeeper in the corner, with the "Make An Offer" sign? Got a great payload, low-low mileage on the fuse, Haggled with a colonel for an hour, said the thing was divine, Now it's yours for a price, Just try it out, no excuse! There's a kid out back is trading tanks for baseball cards and string, That's the economy, my friend, it's a beautiful, strange design, I'm moving serious volume, I'm the Warhead King, My product clears a table faster than the cheapest wine. **[Chorus - Bigger, with shouted backing vocals]** At the Missile Mart! (Cash and carry only!) At the Missile Mart! (Your friend, your pal, your jolly!) One careful old lady owner, barely used at all! Just a little surface rust on the thermonuclear ball! **[Bridge - Music gets sparse, just bass and a single synth note]** **[Spoken, conspiratorially]** It's not about the blast radius, It's not about the megaton yield, It's about the story, It's about finding a good home for a perfectly serviceable instrument of ultimate vengeance, You understand. **[Guitar Solo]** **[Outro - Spoken, fading out]** Open every Saturday, No reasonable offer refused, No refunds for partial detonations, Remember, ...we're not just selling scrap metal, We're selling a solution, At the Missile Mart, (Missile Mart...)
