[Intro, Spoken word, derpy voice] Uh, we built an aircraft carrier for $19 billion, which is crazy. The price is crazy. It started off at I came in, one of the first things I went to see was the Ford aircraft carrier. It was way over budget. And uh it had you it had things on it that you didn't need like uh it had magnet magnets to lift up the elevators with 10 and 12 planes on them. {Verse 1, spoken word, even derpier] Think of it. It had all sorts of modernday things that were all instead of using steam for the catapults, they used electric. Let's have an electric catapult. And so when I went to the ship because I came into office and the ship was way over budget built in Newport News unfortunately was way over budget. It was going to cost 3 billion. It was up to like 189. [Chorus, mindless chanting] It was terrible. And I said I want to meet the catapulter. And a man came over along with four of his assistants. And I said, "What's better, electric catapult or steam?" He's been there for 25 years. He said, "Steam is better, sir. We can fix it with a hammer and a blowtorch. When the electric goes bad, I have to send to MIT to get geniuses over here." I said, "Steam is better." Yes, sir. It's better. [Verse 2, spoken word, so derpy it hurts] So, why did they do electric? Because you can have the catapult go like this. But you can't put planes on it, sir. It takes you 39 seconds. By the time the 39 seconds is up, you have a full head of steam. And I love breathing that steam, sir. That's the cleanest air you've ever seen. So, you're saying we spent billions of dollars extra to build electric catapults instead of using? [Chorus, stooopid voice] And I said, "What else do you hear?" He said, "Uh, the elevators are no good, sir. They're lifted up by magnets. We're not letting any more ships be built with the ridiculous, the billions of dollars more they spent on uh electric catapults, and they're not good. They're not nearly as good. too complex. And by the way, we had to call the ship in twice because the catapults didn't work. [Verse 3, spoken word, what an idiot speaking] And I predicted that was true. And the same thing with the magnetic elevators. We want them to be made hydraulic, which it can. It can be hit by lightning. It can be hit by anything. When a little water touches the magnets, it doesn't work anymore. [Bridge, Idiotic screaming] And you're writing. You're in the Atlantic Ocean with waves that are 60 ft high and the Pacific Ocean with waves that are 70 ft high and they're talking about magnets. It makes you want to get sick. I actually called in the architect of the ship and I said, "Have you designed a ship before?" "Well, I haven't spent a lot of time on that, sir." [Melodic interlude, really dumb vocals] "No, even even the cab, you know, the tower, they have it in the back instead of in the middle. It's supposed to be in the middle where you have more room. I said, "Why'd you move?" Well, we thought it was very good. Why did you do it? And why is the ammunition under the where the admiral is the tower? [Breakdown, hoedown, yokel vocals] They have the tower and they have the ammunition under the tower. I say, "If I'm the enemy, I know where I'm aiming these people." And the thing costs like $20 billion. It's ridiculous. [Outro, deranged demented spoken word] All right. So, we're changing all of that, right, Peter? You'll be fired so fast if you don't. No, but a lot of this is common sense stuff. Really? I mean, hope I'm not boring anybody, but it's all common sense. This isn't exactly part of my speech, but I got to tell you, you know, I'm getting it all out now. All the anger I have when I hear about electric catapults that don't work. Crazy. Yeah, it's crazy.
