[Intro – roaring rocket sled engine + howling wind + distant crash] Yeah… Woodcutter was chasing the ship through the frozen north. Prince’s “Rocket Sled” had other plans. [Verse 1 – Rocket Sled Mayhem] Woodcutter gripped the bars, snow whipping past his face like knives, Prince’s latest death machine screaming “high speed” between the pines. Boosters firing random, repulsors sparking wild and blue, Every mile a new surprise — “This thing’s gonna kill me too.” Then a blue comet streaked across the sky, slammed the mountain slope hard, Woodcutter leaned in — “Better view from up there, I hope.” Sled hit a bump, misfired twice, spun like a drunkard’s dream, Launched him halfway up the peak then died in a cloud of steam. [Pre-Chorus] He rolled to a stop, axe arm humming, heard shouting down below — Candy Cane Cartel camp, thugs scrambling at their geothermal spa bath glow. [Chorus – chaotic dark humor rescue] Paul Bunyan Blues on a frozen mountain side, Cartel goons fishing something blue and freshly crash-landed from the sky. Small hog-sized bull, soaking wet, eyes wide and full of fear, Woodcutter cracked his neck — “Boys… wrong mountain, wrong year.” Swiss-Arm-Axe deployed — saw, drill, chain, and flame, Cartel screamed like candy canes melting in the rain. One thug yelled “It’s just a bull!” before the axe said otherwise, Woodcutter stood tall — Winter Woodsman in his element, no lies. [Verse 2 – Blue Bull Backstory (Tweaked)] The bull shook off ice, small but loud, voice like a motor that won’t quit, “Name’s Blue! Used to run with mice in a bikey gang — thought I was a Hog, legit. Lonely blue boy pretending, heard about the Cheese Moon one night, Took too many levitation potions — jumped way too high, lost the fight. Potions wore off mid-air just now, turned me blue, froze me solid as a brick, Landed smack in their hot tub — lucky I didn’t break my neck real quick!” He looked up at Woodcutter, big dumb hopeful eyes, “You saved me, big guy. We’re best friends now, right? No goodbyes.” [Bridge – spoken, dry adult humor] Woodcutter stared at the talking blue bull, axe still dripping cartel red, “Best friends? I just lost my sled and gained a motor-mouth instead.” Blue grinned wide, “I can be useful! I got hooves, I got heart, And I tell great stories — like the time I almost touched the moon, for a start!” The Rocket Sled finally exploded in a sad little spark behind them, Woodcutter sighed, “Great. Prince is gonna love this one.” [Final Chorus – reluctant buddy energy] Paul Bunyan Blues, riding north on an undersized blue “Hog,” Bull chatting nonstop, Woodcutter grumbling through the fog. From mountain cartel beatdown to reluctant sidekick life, The revolution gained a donkey — loud, blue, and full of strife. Grinch and the ship are waiting somewhere past the snow, Woodcutter flexed his new arm — “Try to keep up, you glowing so-and-so.” [Outro – fading sled wreckage crackle + endless bull chatter] Yeah… The sled was scrap. The bull was permanent. And somewhere ahead… the Workshop waited. Woodcutter just got himself a Donkey. God help us all.
