Part 1 Trash Portal Protocol (The Beginning)

“System alert... Unauthorized garbage object entering the time-stream... You are violating trash protocol 7B!” I built a portal out of microwaves Junkyard sparks and gamma waves Found a fridge from '89 Used it to bend the space-time line Banana peels? Yeah, those fuel the core And that toaster? Opened up a wormhole door Now I’m skipping centuries with zero grace Wearing sunglasses in hyperspace “Temporal distortion rising! You’re creating snack-based paradoxes!” Trash portal open — jump right through Quantum raccoon with a paranoid view "Don’t press that button!" — I press it twice She screams about time, I just want spice I saw Rome before it burned Traded socks for what I learned Planted chips on pirate ships And taught cave bears backflips Timeline’s messy? Yeah, no joke But I’m not the raccoon who plays by the code The AI’s sweating circuits hot — But I just stole Einstein’s coffee pot “Calculating… 400 futures… All of them end… WITH RACCOONS.” Trash portal open — jump right through Laws of physics? I ignore those too She's screaming “Stop!” — but the snacks say go Time raccoon’s rollin’ through the chrono-flow “…If you can hear this… Don’t trust the raccoon.”