It’s quiet when they sleep Too quiet to hide in There’s no one to hand them to No break at the end of the day Just another breath before bedtime And a promise I’m scared to say I make lunches half asleep Tie shoes with shaking hands Answer questions I was never taught Try to be a woman and a man I hear “Dad” and it pulls me up Even when my body’s done I’m the comfort and the discipline I’m the soft place and the one They don’t know what I’m missing They just know I’m here This is what it feels like When there’s no one else coming When you hold it together Because falling isn’t an option I don’t get to disappear I don’t get to break I love them through the silence Left by the parent who didn’t stay Sometimes I see it in their face The question they don’t ask out loud Why it’s always just me standing here Why nobody else comes around I swallow anger before it spills Bite down on words I never say I won’t let my pain teach them That love is something that walks away Bills pile up on the bench Dinner’s late, patience thin I apologize when my voice gets sharp Because repair is where I begin This is what it costs To be the only one To be the answer every time When there’s nowhere else to run I carry both sides of love The nurture and the law I stay when it’s unbearable Because leaving is what hurt us all Some nights I sit beside their beds And watch them breathe real slow Trying to believe that being here Is enough to overwrite what they don’t know I don’t know how to do this right I just know how not to go I know how not to disappear I know how to stay and show I didn’t get a choice I got a responsibility And I won’t make them carry What was handed down to me They’ll never wonder if I love them They’ll never have to guess I’ll be exhausted and present That’s the promise I can keep This is the fight to fatherhood No praise, no relief Just waking up and choosing love On days it hurts to breathe I’m the mother when they need comfort I’m the father when they need ground I’m the one who stayed When no one else was around I wasn’t ready I was necessary And I stayed
